She's The Man (DISCONTINUED)
by mcm.lxix
Summary: When her soccer team gets cut, Xion will do anything to pursue her dream...Based off the movie She's The Man, Cross-Dressing,Slight Kairi Bashing, kinda parody..?
1. No Sleep Tonight

_**She's The Man**_

_**Chibi: Hi-hi! This is my 1st attempt at a continues fan-fic. It's inspired by the movie She's The Man and Shakespeare's Twelfth Night (Which inspired the movie) It's my all-time fave; I thought it would be fun to give it a go.**_

_**Rated T: For Mild-Language, Slight Violence, Kinda-Cross dressing, and teeny-weeny sexual content**_

_**Uhhh, Twilight Town Academy's mascot is the Phantoms so yea Enjoy! **_

_**Disclaimer: I DISCLAIM!**_

_**Chapter One **_

"_**No Sleep Tonight" **_

Xion smiled as she bolted across the sand, feeling it sink between her toes, flying up and hither her bare stomach and legs, exposed by her jean-shorts and bikini top, the ball a black-and-white blur between her skilled feet. The rush of the wind, the distant roar of a jet-ski on the warm water of the only beach in Twilight Town, the cheers of her boyfriend, Axel, on the sidelines. She ran over and planted a kiss on right on his lips, then went back to playing. As she ran past the group of guys, they all fell down in mock-praise at her kick-ass soccer skills. She booked towards a life-saver that was hung up by the life guard tower, Axel running beside her on the sidelines. She kicked the ball as hard as she could, sending it sailing through the lifesaver strung between 2 lifeguard posts. She cheered, and sent a mock-salute at her fine work. Just beyond the way, Axel caught the ball, jogging back over to his girlfriend.

"Goal! She shoots, she scores, GOAL!" He cheered as she reached for the ball.

"Oh yeah, c'mon now gimme the ba-NO!" She squealed as Axel picked her up, dropping the ball, and swinging her around. "No! Axe, Axe, NO! Put me down-AXEL!"

He laughed as he pushed her to the ground.

"Nice shot, babe" He commented, out of breathe.

"Yea-yuh!" She giggled.

"You're probably better then half the guys on my team" He breathed, his right hand resting on her cheek.

"Mmmm, probably more the half." Xion smiled, and pulled Axel down for a kiss.

"You're getting really good." He said, breathless.

"Aww, you too! I mean, when we first started going out, you couldn't kiss at all." She drawled sarcastically, looking at him with a smug smirk on her lips.

"…I meant at soccer" He booed, and she giggled, pulling him in for another round of kisses; he suddenly pulled back. "What do you mean I couldn't kiss at all?" He sounded very concerned. Xion scoffed.

"Don't worry, I've taught you well." She smiled, pulling him in for a chaste kiss.

"No way! Get out!" Yuffie giggled. The girls laughed for a while "But seriously, Shi, don't you think you'd get more playing time in like, Land of Departure, right?"

"Yeah, but it's not only about wining. I wanna wear that Twilight Town bluue!" Xion cheered. Yuffie erupted in cheers. The team suddenly stop walking, not believing their eyes.

"Whoa, why is the lacrosse team on our field?" Yuffie huffed.

"They cut our team!" Ollette cried, running up to the team with a clip board. "Not enough girls signed up."

"What, so they just cut us?" Yuffie asked.

"They can't do that!" Larxene, another girl on the team, shrieked. Xion tossed her soccer ball in the air a few times.

"We'll fix this."

Coach Xehanort watched his team practice, well aware of the angry girls stalking up behind him.

"Hey girls. I heard the bad news" He said emotionlessly when the Phantom girls team circled around him.

"Bad?" Xion glared at him. "It's a disaster."

"Yeah, now college scouts will never see us play!" Yuffie wined.

"Sorry, girls. If there's anything I can do, just say the word." Xehanort had not taken his eyes of his boys.

"As a matter of fact, there is." Xion cut in front of the coach. "We wanna try out for the boy's team."

"Yeah!" all the girls chorused.

"Uhhh…anything…but that." He deadpanned when he saw the determination in Xion's eyes.

"Oh, come on, Coach, you know we can do it!" Xion persisted.

"No, I don't know that that's a thing that I know!" He spat out, then looked confused as he tried to make sense of what he had just said.

"Look, all we're asking for is one shot!" Xion wasn't going down without a fight.

"Look, girls…school starts in two weeks. Then we open up against Radiant Garden. A rivalry game. We have to win!" He said, emphasizing the last part, as if the girls didn't understand his remark.

"Sexists(1)" Yuffie muttered under her breath.

"And we can help you win!" Xion pleaded.

"Hey baby! What's goin' on, Coach?" Axel huffed out, the guys all running up to the commotion.

"The girls here.. wanna try out for the team!" Xion smiled, her onyx eyes looking expectantly at the fiery red-head.

But the boys just laugh.

"You're not serious." Axel looked at Xion like she just said a china doll wearing eyeliner as lipstick was beamed down from a spaceship on alien ladybugs and tried to taker her magic Mac and cheese.

"Alright, alright!" Coach yelled. "Look, you're all fabulous players", he said, looking around at all the teenagers that surrounded him," But girls aren't as fast as boys, or as strong, or as athletic!" He laughed along with the boys. Then he became very serious. "Uh, this isn't me talking. It's a scientific fact. Girls can't beat boys. It's a simple as that!(2)" Coach and the boys all looked at each other like 'Yeah, you tell those dumb bitches!'

"Okay, well, Axel, you're the team caption, what do you think?" The ravenette started down her emerald-eyed boyfriend.

"I think the coach said it all!" He looked at her like that was obvious.

Xion looked at Yuffie for a second, then back at Axel.

"Yesterday you told me I was better then half the guys on your team!" Xion raged.

"What?" a bunch of the boys looked at each other strangely.

"I never said that." Axel stated.

"What are you talking about, WHY ARE YOU LIEING!" Xion stomped her foot.

"Xion…! End of discussion!" He yelled, crossing his arms and making a bizarre face.

_Oooh, so he wants to play that way, huh? Fine. I'll play that way. _Xion thought.

"Fine. End of relationship." She gave Axel a disgusted look while the rest of the boys and girls team walked away, but not without a smug look and a "Boo-ya!" from Yuffie.

"Whoa, whoa, Xion!" Axel grabbed the raven girl's arm. "I just don't wanna see you get hurt."

"Aww" She gave a happy grin that turned into a glare. "You are so full of-"

TWEEEEEET! Coach blew the whistle.

"Back on the field, Flynn." He said. Xion nailed him in the face with her soccer ball, caught it, and walked away, smirking in her momentary victory.

Now what was she going to do about the impending crisis of having to give up her biggest dream?

**End of Chapter One. Hope you liked, R&R plz! **

**1: In Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, Yuffie says that to Cid. Thought it fit **

**here.**

**2: Rhymes :3**


	2. Mockingbird

**She's the Man **

**Chibi: In honor of my first 2 revies on this story, here is chapter 2! This is where we meet Xion's twin brother! (Oh yeah, this is kind of AU, kind of OOC, so yeah :P) **

**I still own nothing -.- **

**Chapter Two **

"**Mockingbird" **

_**Now hush little baby don't you cry**_

_**Everything's gonna be alright**_

_**Stiffen that upper lip up little lady I told you**_

_**Daddy's hear to hold you through the night**_

Xion was so into her Eminem jam when she pushed open the gate to her house that she didn't see her brother's girlfriend running up behind her.

"Vanitas...Ooh….Van-ITAS!" She grabbed a hold of Xion's jacket, pulling her back. Xion made a strange noise, and then gave a weak smile to the other girl.

"EW. It's you." She shook out her shoulder-length locks. "Gosh, you and your brother look scary alike from the back. I think it's your total lack of curves." She hissed, pulling her Prada bag higher onto her shoulder, dusting off her revealing pink shirt.

"Hi, Kairi. How nice to see you, too!" Xion spit out in a sarcastic tone. Kairi rolled her eyes.

"I'm looking for Vanitas, where is he."

"I don't know." Xion's voice portrayed how much she didn't give a fuck what Kairi wanted.

Kairi picked up on it.

"Just remind your brother how lucky he is to be in my life, and tell him to gimme a call if he wants to stay in it. Ok?" Kairi made a scrunched-up face, which reminded Xion of a pig.

"Ok, does he have your number? One-Eight-Hundred-Bee-otch?" Xion snorted with laughter. Kairi gave a mock laugh before pushing her giant sunglasses back onto her face and stalking back to her cherry-red Porsche.

"She will do great things." Xion muttered to herself as she walked through her front door, only to see her mother, grinning from ear to ear at her.

"I have a surprise for youuu!" Ms. Aerith Fair squealed at her daughter.

"This is why I don't bring friends over." She muttered to herself, then began walking towards the stairs. "Mom, not now, I had a really bad day-"

"Oh then this will be the perfect this to cheer you up!" her mother's perfectly manicured hands covered her daughters eyes as she leads her to the foyer.

"Okay mom, their closed." She sighed out.

"Okay…OPEN!"

Xion looked in horror at the pink and white fabric that covered their couch.

"Beautiful gowns for my darling debutante!" Aerith held up a frilly pink gown covered in ruffles.

"Mom! Have I not told you a thousand times, I have no interest in being a debutante? It's totally…archaic!" Xion looked for, and found, the right word.

Ms. Fair dropped the dress, and gave Xion a hard look.

"How could I end up with a daughter who…only wants to kick a muddy ball around all day?" Aerith approached her little girl as Xion walked up the stairs

"Well, the world has been set right, Mom. They cut my team." Xion deadpanned.

"What, no soccer?" Aerith picked up another dress, holding it up to her body.

"Yeah, that's right. No soccer." Xion turned around to face Aerith.

"How sad." Her mother didn't mean a word of that.

Xion could tell.

"Yeah, I see you're all torn up about it."

"Well, Axel's just gonna love you in this!" Aerith beamed, swishing the dress around.

"Well then, another reason not to wear it." Xion stated matter-of-factly as she walked up the large staircase, "I dumped him"

"What? Why?" Aerith's breathy voice called out.

"I don't wanna talk about it!" Xion growled as she ascended the stairwell.

"He's so…handsome and…rugged, chiseled…and….great…"Aerith was in her own world. Her daughter stopped at the top of the stairs, turning to face her brunette mother.

"Then why don't you date him, mom?" Xion briefly smiled, then turned down the hallway.

"Wha-? Oh no, I couldn't..." Aerith smiled to herself, canceling out the idea of dating a 17 year old.

"Heey Vanitaas!" Xion called as she plopped herself onto her twin's bed.

"Hey!" Vanitas said, out of breath, as he threw a bag out of his 2nd story window. Xion raised an eyebrow.

"You okay?"

"Uh huh!"

"Kairi was looking for you." Xion made a sour face as she said the red head's name.

"Hm." Was Vanitas's response

"Ugh, why do you date her, anyway" The raven girl's voice was laced with question marks.

"'Cause she's hot!" Vanitas smiled. "It's a guy thing."

"Blech, but she so awful!" Xion made a "Gag-Me" kind of face.

Vanitas laughed as he threw another bag out of the window.

"Y'know, you could use the front door?" Xion said sarcastically as she pointed out the door on down the stairs.

"I know, but mom can't see me." He threw another duffle bag out the window, "She thinks I'm staying at dads, dad thinks I'm staying at moms, and in 2 days, they both think I'm going away to school. That is the beauty of divorce" He stated matter-of-factly to his sister.

"Wait, where _are _you going?" Xion gave her brother a confused look.

"London for a couple of weeks." Vanitas said it as if it was no big deal.

"London? As in London, ENGLAND?" Xion looked at her male counterpart as if he just said he had a talking penis (1)

"Yeah, my band got a slot in a music festival there!" Vanitas was obviously excited as he chucked yet another bag out the window.

"Wait, what about school?" Xion bolted up.

"Yeahh…I was kinda hoping you could help me with that…?" Vanitas asked as he lowered a rope out of the window. "Could you just like…pretend to be mom, call Radiant Garden, tell them I'm sick. Something good, that sounds like it would last 2 weeks, like…Mad Cow?" Vanitas made a quirky face at the end of his ramblings.

"Vanitas. You just got kicked out of Twilight Town for skipping! This is not exactly the way you wanna start out!" Xion scolded her thick-head twin.

"Hey, I wanna be a musician, okay? Last time I heard, they don't have to know trigonometry! (2) And besides, if you wanna chase your dreams, sometimes you gotta break the rules, right?" He said as he slowly crawled out the window.

"Do you know the percentage of bands that actually make it to the big time?" Xion gave her spiky-haired twin a stern look.

"Probably about the same as female soccer players." Vanitas replied smugly. Xion got a mix between an irritated and sad look on her face.

"I will see you in too weeks!" He dropped out the window with an audible thud.

"Vanitas…VANITAS!" Xion yelled, not moving from her spot on the bed.

"Where you just talking with your brother?" Aerith's breathy voice at the door startled Xion. She turned, to see her mother hold another frilly dress in the doorframe.

"No…yes…on the phone!" She quickly grabbed the house phone off the nightstand. "He's at dads. Bye dad!" She slowly set the phone down. "_What did I just do?" _She thought to herself.

"Picture this. You're at the country club. They call your name. And you emerge in this. Tada!" Aerith held up a silky look with dress adorned with faux pearls.

"Yelch! Nooo! Sorry mom, I have a strict no ruffles policy." She smiled as she stood up and walked over to the brother's vanity, tossing the soccer ball in her hand lightly. Aerith sighed.

"Sometimes I think you just…might as well just be your brother." She sulked out o the room.

A thought crossed Xion's mind as she picked up a picture of her twin brother of the table.

"Huh. You know what? If you can't join 'um, beat 'um." She gave herself a smug look in the mirror.

Sora laughed at his raven haired friend as he styled an elderly woman's hair.

"You want me to…turn you...into your brother?" He laughed again.

"That's right! I'm goin to Radiant Garden as Vanitas, I'm gonna make the boys soccer team there, and then in 12 days, I'm gonna beat the Twilight Town boys team." Her speech was backed up by Ollette and Yuffie "mmhmm"ing in the background.

"Right!" Ollette gave to the conversation.

"Ok, you've taken way to many soccer balls to the head." Sora pointed his styling comb at Xion, who rolled her eyes.

"You know I can do it, Sora!" She pouted.

"Yeah, 'cept for the voice, and mannerisms, and the breasts and the mentality and—"

"Yeah but it doesn't matter 'cause no one at RG has even met Vanitas." Yuffie said as Xion pulled her red vest protectively over said breasts. "They wouldn't know the difference." Ollette just stood in the back, arms crossed.

"They'll know he's a…girl!" Sora gave the girls a crazy look.

"Oh, c'mon, Sor!" Xion wined.

"Yeah, c'mon, Sor!" Yuffie and Ollette said in sync.

"Yeah, c'mon, Sor!" Mrs. Pots, Sora's patient, put in. Sora shot an exasperated look to the roof with a mournful sigh.

"Ok…ok…I'll see what I can do."

"Yes!" They all squealed.

They spent the next hour choosing wigs, mustaches, beards, and more for looks.

Two hours after that, they walked around town, Xion trying to get an idea of how guys act. She got home, backed up an ace bandage to keep her breasts down, and a box of tampons, for…well, you know what. She slung her bag over her shoulder, and ran down the stairs. She got to the door, then…

"Where are you going?" from her mother in the dining room. Xion rolled her eyes.

"Mom, I told you, I'm going to dad's house for 2 weeks!" She said in her most innocent voice.

"No you didn't, and you're not going! We've hardly spent any time together this summer. Now you just go upstairs and unpack." Aerith said strictly.

"Okay, mom, I thought about what you said, and, you know that Kairi is gonna be there 24/7 with Vanitas, so, I don't know, I was just thinking, maybe she could show me the ropes on the whole debutante thing." Xion played on the spot.

_"What the hell did I just get myself into?" _

"This is so exciting!" Aerith jumped up from her chair.

"Isn't it?" Xion got out as her mother wrapped her arms around her.

"We're going to have so much fun, now there's the formal ball, of course, and the luncheon, and, oh, did I mention the fundraiser next week, it's gonna be a carnival!" Aerith gushed.

"LOOK OUT!" Xion pretended to be excited.

"Now, your brother promised to be there, so remind him when you see his tomorrow. OHHH my little girl! You're finally gonna be a lady!" Aerith fiddled with Xion's hair before the young girl walked out, with a terrified look on her face.

**A/N**

**My friends and I love Bruno the movie, so talking penises are highly amusing to us. **

**I enjoy saying Tri. Tri-Go-Nom-A-Tree!..Ima loser T.T**

**And sorry if I don't update this super fast, but I'm working on a collab story with Dark-RoseMarrie called Always Running Out of Time. (Reas it plz?) **


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